BenFest 2019: Hedwig’s Private Urgh!
On the occasion of the 18,250th day of existence of the human born
Benjamin Aaron Wener, not counting leap-year bonuses, he wishes to
announce that his long-gestating, still-evolving alter-ego, Bonnie
Waters*, will make her semi-public debut during the evening of the 25th
of September, in this unholy year of 2019.
Heretofore glimpsed only fleetingly since her arrival in 1999, mostly on
her knees down darkened alleys or making surprise appearances at
drive-thru windows throughout Southern California, the rehab-bound slut
initially known as Belinda Taylor (prior to that she was merely an
unpronounceable symbol) has rarely been seen this past decade. Rumors of
her reappearance began to swirl, however, after longtime admirers and
curious onlookers alike claimed to have spotted her in Las Vegas at a
Marilyn Manson concert. Some say they noticed her check in at a VIP
window as Bonnie Warner; others swear she was sitting in the front row
of the House of Blues balcony.
The subject of such slanderous innuendo, an enigma widely known to also
use the alias Bonnie Winters, remained characteristically mum. Yet
photographic evidence eventually surfaced, proving not only that this
pseudo-mythical gender-bending entity did exist, but she had in fact
stayed at Mandalay Bay at the time of the Manson performance, albeit
under the racially insensitive nom de femme
Reluctantly, Ms. W. confessed to possessing dual-or-more identities, a
mind-game hobby to some but still a crime in most flyover states.
Desperate to keep her secret under wraps for as long as possible, she
begged the Associated Press and similar news outlets to withhold what
they had discovered. Not entirely without a trace of Norma Desmond in
her tone, she implored top editors across the country via video
statement: “Please, let me reveal my true self ...
on my own terms
As no editors had ever heard of Bonnie Waters, nor any of the
once-private diva’s other monikers, her unveiling plans are going
The LanskaLight Wenerama Dome, 4370 Citrus Grove Lane,
All interested parties are asked to arrive by 7:30, at which time there
may (or may not) be a brief performance from your host. This might (or
might not) also be live streamed.
During the 8 o’clock hour, a screening of Ms. Waters’s favorite film,
Hedwig and the Angry Inch
, will commence amid cocktails and
treats and socializing and photo ops. Late-night stragglers, drunken
fools, fellow insomniacs and more are all welcome to stick around for
the second feature, the New Wave cornucopia Urgh! A Music War
featuring the Police, Oingo Boingo, Echo & the Bunnymen, XTC, OMD and
There is no dress code, my pretties, but any and all attempts at
glamming it up are greatly encouraged. Regardless the temperature
outside, please either dress warmly or bring layers to bundle yourself
as needed. For reasons both physical and psychological, the would-be Ms.
Winterbottom*, of the London Winterbottoms, prefers her domain kept
*Name changes are subject to whim and will occur without notice.
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