BenFest 2019: Hedwig’s Private Urgh!

On the occasion of the 18,250th day of existence of the human born Benjamin Aaron Wener, not counting leap-year bonuses, he wishes to announce that his long-gestating, still-evolving alter-ego, Bonnie Waters*, will make her semi-public debut during the evening of the 25th of September, in this unholy year of 2019.

Heretofore glimpsed only fleetingly since her arrival in 1999, mostly on her knees down darkened alleys or making surprise appearances at drive-thru windows throughout Southern California, the rehab-bound slut initially known as Belinda Taylor (prior to that she was merely an unpronounceable symbol) has rarely been seen this past decade. Rumors of her reappearance began to swirl, however, after longtime admirers and curious onlookers alike claimed to have spotted her in Las Vegas at a Marilyn Manson concert. Some say they noticed her check in at a VIP window as Bonnie Warner; others swear she was sitting in the front row of the House of Blues balcony.

The subject of such slanderous innuendo, an enigma widely known to also use the alias Bonnie Winters, remained characteristically mum. Yet photographic evidence eventually surfaced, proving not only that this pseudo-mythical gender-bending entity did exist, but she had in fact stayed at Mandalay Bay at the time of the Manson performance, albeit under the racially insensitive nom de femme Bonnie Wang.

Reluctantly, Ms. W. confessed to possessing dual-or-more identities, a mind-game hobby to some but still a crime in most flyover states. Desperate to keep her secret under wraps for as long as possible, she begged the Associated Press and similar news outlets to withhold what they had discovered. Not entirely without a trace of Norma Desmond in her tone, she implored top editors across the country via video statement: “Please, let me reveal my true self ... on my own terms!”

As no editors had ever heard of Bonnie Waters, nor any of the once-private diva’s other monikers, her unveiling plans are going forward undisturbed.

Venue: The LanskaLight Wenerama Dome, 4370 Citrus Grove Lane, Yorba Linda

Doors: 6 p.m.

All interested parties are asked to arrive by 7:30, at which time there may (or may not) be a brief performance from your host. This might (or might not) also be live streamed.

During the 8 o’clock hour, a screening of Ms. Waters’s favorite film, Hedwig and the Angry Inch, will commence amid cocktails and treats and socializing and photo ops. Late-night stragglers, drunken fools, fellow insomniacs and more are all welcome to stick around for the second feature, the New Wave cornucopia Urgh! A Music War, featuring the Police, Oingo Boingo, Echo & the Bunnymen, XTC, OMD and more.

There is no dress code, my pretties, but any and all attempts at glamming it up are greatly encouraged. Regardless the temperature outside, please either dress warmly or bring layers to bundle yourself as needed. For reasons both physical and psychological, the would-be Ms. Winterbottom*, of the London Winterbottoms, prefers her domain kept cold.

*Name changes are subject to whim and will occur without notice.

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